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 Rank: King  Joined: 8/5/2009 Posts: 2,761 Location: lost in state of complete confusion
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'Confirmed' bachelors...(I like the way that word 'confirmed' has traditionally been used, as if their devotion to bachelorhood is a religion.)
Obviously a man can wait till he is 35 or 38 and still expect to snag a 'sweet young thang', while the same is certainly not true for women, and never has been... It was 350 years ago when Robert Herrick penned “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time,” (Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, / Old Time is still a-flying; / And this same flower that smiles today / Tomorrow will be dying…).
It seems to me that there are more single men, over 39, than ever before; men who do not even have any interest in dating.
These are men who seem to have no interest in other men either. 30 years ago, there would have been whispered suspicions that they were gay, but hardly anyone is still hiding in that closet anymore. Perhaps in the past, some men did marry just to avoid the suspicion of being thought to be gay? And that is no longer feared?
I wonder if the advancement of women in the workplace has led some men to feel either that the 'mysterious allure' of the feminine person is gone, or perhaps being surrounded by women equals and even women superiors has been emasculating?
Obviously anyone can post their opinion, but I am most interested in the opinions of:
Men who have never married and are convinced that they never will.
Men who have previously been 'attached' (married, shacking up, or at least engaged), but are now convinced that they will never marry, or never marry again.
Men and women with a close male friend or relative who insists that he will never marry, (or will never marry again), especially a man who has confided in you.
Why? Or perhaps I should ask, why not?
Has a past romantic relationship (married, shacking up, or engaged) been a disaster and you want to never make that mistake again?
Has a past romantic relationship (married, shacking up, or engaged) been so perfect that you fear no one could ever measure up to the one who is no longer in your life?
Or possibly you did expect that you would marry some day,
... but your days are slipping away, you are over 39, and
... you have never found that perfect mate & are beginning to doubt that you ever will
... or maybe you found that 'perfect' gal, but you did not measure up to her expectations?
Christmas is a time when no normal person really wants to be alone, and the chill of winter is when we all like to have a warm body to snuggle up with. But from November through mid-February is the time when so many guys run for the hills, because they fear 'gifting' expectations. Even if they are not just flat out cheap, many guys fear that a gift will been seen as too cheap or conversely, seen as too significant; meaning more than they intended.
I know of guys who every year, dump their girlfriends in November or early December, and then as soon as that crisis date in mid-February has passed, they go hunting for new prey. Obviously these are guys who never had any serious intentions of marrying that girl anyway… she was just being used as a ‘passing fancy’.
Have you given thought to growing old, really old, and being alone?
What would it take to change your mind... (other than some 'sweet young thang')? Facing your eventual demise? Perhaps your first heart attack? Maybe that dreaded word: cancer?
Have you given thought that most likely there will be some time in your older years when you are lying in bed, recuperating from a surgery or a heart attack, and you will be all alone... no one there to even make you some chicken soup?
Do you ever think about your cold body, left in your bed for many days before anyone even knows that you have died? Sorry, I did not mean for this to sound so morbid. It just evolved that way. But none of us are getting any younger.
What would it take, to get you down on one knee, with a little box in your hand?
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 Rank: Queen  Joined: 8/5/2009 Posts: 504 Location: *TEXAS*
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MLawson wrote:'Confirmed' bachelors...(I like the way that word 'confirmed' has traditionally been used, as if their devotion to bachelorhood is a religion.)
It seems to me that there are more single men, over 39, than ever before; men who do not even have any interest in dating.
These are men who seem to have no interest in other men either.
What would it take, to get you down on one knee, with a little box in your hand?  There is NO-ONE(man or woman) alive today...
Who deserves the trust required.
As for laying cold for days:
There are better ways to prevent that without BRIBBERY .DISCLAIMER:This is my opinion & is in no way influenced by your opinion or the truth. "National Driver's License Search" http://www.license.shorturl.com/
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Rank: King Joined: 7/1/2008 Posts: 18,132
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I knew of one, He was sure he would never marry and so did his family. He was around 42 or so when he did married a woman 15 years younger then him. Let's put it this way some people should never marry. It would have been better for everyone if he would have stayed single. Sometimes I think people just marry not to be alone. It's much better to be alone then with a jerk.
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Rank: King  Joined: 2/14/2006 Posts: 1,277
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What would it take, to get you down on one knee, with a little box in your hand?
The promise of a nice weekend in bed -- Provided all that was required in that little box was matches !!! YoYo the Yuk Yuk !!!
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Rank: King Joined: 7/1/2008 Posts: 18,132
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What a ridiculous reason to get married, spend your whole life with someone just for a chance at someone being there the day you die. Wow. I know a poster here that is married and always complaining that her husband is never there for her, never gives her presents for any occasion. Sure is a turn around! There's no guarantee you will have those advantages, married or not.
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Rank: King Joined: 6/15/2005 Posts: 951
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I am a confirmed bachelor.
There was a time when I dreamed little girl dreams of a perfect husband and pretty children. I assumed it would happen.
But there was a glitch. Any time I spent any prolonged time with any guy, no matter how fervent my initial infatuation, I got sick of him within a couple of years. The last one was over twenty years ago now. He kind of stopped going home and stayed at my place for a year. He drove me slap nuts. He contributed a LITTLE but figured he was the prime voice of the house. When he routinely tried to tell me what to do and how to act, I swore off.
When he left one day abruptly, I was upset, kind of, but it was like that Kate Chopin story. I was free, and I never looked back.
If I became involved with anybody after that, I made pretty sure he wasn't a commitment person. The last one I haven't seen in over four years. We still talk on the phone every week or two, and that's plenty! He's five hundred miles away now.
I share an office with an old Brit turned citizen. He's about my age but has a little wife fifteen years younger. They live in the country with their cats and dogs and vegetable gardens and seem happy. And I get a HUGE kick out of the guy. I like the little wife, too.
NOTHING romantic ever stirs in me, though. For either.
Except for that year with Dennis, I've lived alone since early 1978, and I wouldn't have it any other way. So I die, and heck, the cats eat me for all I know before anybody notices. Doesn't matter. I made it on my own, and I call my shots. Sometimes I bristle a little at an overly protective big sister, but I love her.
I fully assume folks may think I'm a lesbian, but on the other hand, I don't want a female roomie.
I have short hair and dress casually. I don't worry about what I might look like. Movie men are the good kind.
Early this morning as I worked out, I watched the original Airport movie. DAING HOT DAING, Dean Martin was the hunk.
And he never got in my face!
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Rank: King  Joined: 8/5/2009 Posts: 2,140 Location: The Great State of Ohio
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MLawson wrote:'Confirmed' bachelors...(I like the way that word 'confirmed' has traditionally been used, as if their devotion to bachelorhood is a religion.)
Obviously a man can wait till he is 35 or 38 and still expect to snag a 'sweet young thang', while the same is certainly not true for women, and never has been... It was 350 years ago when Robert Herrick penned “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time,” (Gather ye rosebuds while ye may, / Old Time is still a-flying; / And this same flower that smiles today / Tomorrow will be dying…).
It seems to me that there are more single men, over 39, than ever before; men who do not even have any interest in dating. No, not really. When I was a boy, there were a number of men and women who did not marry and who evidenced no intention of doing so.
These are men who seem to have no interest in other men either. 30 years ago, there would have been whispered suspicions that they were gay, but hardly anyone is still hiding in that closet anymore. Perhaps in the past, some men did marry just to avoid the suspicion of being thought to be gay? And that is no longer feared? Even after I attained the age at which I realized that this was a possible reason, this question never came up in regard to these men and women. It is a true shame that today, people are so willing to cast this aspersion. And I do not mean you, ML...
I wonder if the advancement of women in the workplace has led some men to feel either that the 'mysterious allure' of the feminine person is gone, or perhaps being surrounded by women equals and even women superiors has been emasculating? No, this is not a reason.
Obviously anyone can post their opinion, but I am most interested in the opinions of:
Men who have never married and are convinced that they never will.
Men who have previously been 'attached' (married, shacking up, or at least engaged), but are now convinced that they will never marry, or never marry again.
Men and women with a close male friend or relative who insists that he will never marry, (or will never marry again), especially a man who has confided in you.
Why? Or perhaps I should ask, why not?
Has a past romantic relationship (married, shacking up, or engaged) been a disaster and you want to never make that mistake again? People I know who fit this category have sometimes had this experience, but it does not seem to be determinative.
Has a past romantic relationship (married, shacking up, or engaged) been so perfect that you fear no one could ever measure up to the one who is no longer in your life? Ditto, above.
Or possibly you did expect that you would marry some day,
... but your days are slipping away, you are over 39, and
... you have never found that perfect mate & are beginning to doubt that you ever will
... or maybe you found that 'perfect' gal, but you did not measure up to her expectations?
Christmas is a time when no normal person really wants to be alone, and the chill of winter is when we all like to have a warm body to snuggle up with. But from November through mid-February is the time when so many guys run for the hills, because they fear 'gifting' expectations. Even if they are not just flat out cheap, many guys fear that a gift will been seen as too cheap or conversely, seen as too significant; meaning more than they intended.
I know of guys who every year, dump their girlfriends in November or early December, and then as soon as that crisis date in mid-February has passed, they go hunting for new prey. Obviously these are guys who never had any serious intentions of marrying that girl anyway… she was just being used as a ‘passing fancy’.
Have you given thought to growing old, really old, and being alone?
What would it take to change your mind... (other than some 'sweet young thang')? Facing your eventual demise? Perhaps your first heart attack? Maybe that dreaded word: cancer?
Have you given thought that most likely there will be some time in your older years when you are lying in bed, recuperating from a surgery or a heart attack, and you will be all alone... no one there to even make you some chicken soup?
Do you ever think about your cold body, left in your bed for many days before anyone even knows that you have died? Sorry, I did not mean for this to sound so morbid. It just evolved that way. But none of us are getting any younger.
What would it take, to get you down on one knee, with a little box in your hand? My experience, through the eyes of a number of my friends, is that these people are at the end of their family lines. Somehow they know that. Somehow they see that as inevitable. Somehow they accept that. Some, the brighter ones, come to the realization that they can trace their lineal roots back to the very beginning of life on this planet! To know, further, that their family tree ends with them can be a crushing blow. Yet, they see no alternative. Don't Tread On Me!
The price of freedom is constant vigilance.
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Rank: King Joined: 6/15/2005 Posts: 951
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That phenomenon I've seen. Send out the genes.
I DO consider myself a bachelor, but if I'd married anybody, and I would have not have had a child wrongly named Floyd, the kid would be Cohen or Farthing or Espravnik or Manning or Watkins or Buxton or other stuff.
Even my sister's husband did an assessment recently of how "the strong Floyd genes" will carry on. Good brother's son died at eleven. He adopted another, but that's not exactly the same. Still, he kid is now fourteen and cute and will likely carry on the name. I have one kind of stupid cousin on my dad's side. He has a boy who, I think has a son. And dead brother's son has a boy on the way.
Even BRO IN LAW has been around enough to want the family to go on. He has two sons, two grandsons.
But for women, it's more of a HOW nuts does this guy make me thing.
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 Rank: Rook Joined: 8/11/2007 Posts: 187
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Now here is a curious but interesting subject. I hope this follows a pattern for awhile. I think about, just this sort a thing and have wanted to talk serious about relationships. Since my Mrs. passed in'04 I have made friends with
several different female'Buddy's'. But its never crossed our conversation to marry or have more then a conversation
relationship. I still only have one male friend, busy fella, but good conversationalist. Now, somehow, a male/female
relationship is always on his mind for serious. But I just look at each individual as interesting minds. Someone that adds to my knowledge and allows me to add to theirs." How to fix or repair or bake or sew" ( I never learned how to
sew when my Mrs. was still here.) I get hit on the head a lot, seems most women with-out a 'Mate' are not patient with
guys like me. But I can fix most anything, I'm a good electrician, plumber, framer, strong back, weak mind sorta guy
and that seems to be something thats good and allows me to be a trusted friend but...sexless. I'm not a guy, I'm just someone to call when they need something thats broken...fixed....Hmmmmm ! I always have to pay for lunch too. But thats OK I don't like to eat alone.I did have two grandsons living with me, so I kept busy, but they've been gone a
little over a year, miss'um but I'm missing something in the conversation because my personal life never get into the male/female study of negatives that I see mentioned in these forums. So somebody fill me in as to why so much negative conflict.
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Rank: King Joined: 6/15/2005 Posts: 951
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irezazpi wrote:Now here is a curious but interesting subject. I hope this follows a pattern for awhile. I think about, just this sort a thing and have wanted to talk serious about relationships. Since my Mrs. passed in'04 I have made friends with
several different female'Buddy's'. But its never crossed our conversation to marry or have more then a conversation
relationship. I still only have one male friend, busy fella, but good conversationalist. Now, somehow, a male/female
relationship is always on his mind for serious. But I just look at each individual as interesting minds. Someone that adds to my knowledge and allows me to add to theirs." How to fix or repair or bake or sew" ( I never learned how to
sew when my Mrs. was still here.) I get hit on the head a lot, seems most women with-out a 'Mate' are not patient with
guys like me. But I can fix most anything, I'm a good electrician, plumber, framer, strong back, weak mind sorta guy
and that seems to be something thats good and allows me to be a trusted friend but...sexless. I'm not a guy, I'm just someone to call when they need something thats broken...fixed....Hmmmmm ! I always have to pay for lunch too. But thats OK I don't like to eat alone.I did have two grandsons living with me, so I kept busy, but they've been gone a
little over a year, miss'um but I'm missing something in the conversation because my personal life never get into the male/female study of negatives that I see mentioned in these forums. So somebody fill me in as to why so much negative conflict. Aw, man, the fix it ability. I could USE that around here. My condolences on the loss of the Mrs. It's just that I never found the right Mr. I think that after men and women turn forty or so, women tend to lose interest in sex. Even in my thirties, I usually wasn't in the mood. My last sweetie and my Brit in the office...they still think like twenty five when it comes to sex. My bro in law and sister are 68 and 66, respectively. She gives me the look she gives when she sees onions when sex is mentioned. And she has hated onions as much as animal droppings since I can remember. Bro in law had a moment of come on to me eight or ten years ago. He bemoaned his lack of sex. I set him straight right away and he's never mentioned cozy since, but I know he still thinks it. I think there's too much discrepancy in what older men and older women want.
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Rank: Rook  Joined: 6/1/2006 Posts: 345
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I worked with a man for 15yrs.He's a confirmed batchleor and says that he is not going to have a woman take half of what he has worked for. He works hard and owns his own home and acreage..He says he will never give half to a woman if she decides to leave.
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Rank: Rook  Joined: 6/15/2006 Posts: 112 Location: USA
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I'm a bachelor, always have been, and here is the short and sweet answer to why; Genesis 4:6-7 And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou roth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard
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Rank: King  Joined: 10/7/2009 Posts: 1,931 Location: Purgatory
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I look at the married couples of widows when I worked at the hospital and I see what I want and will wait for. And if that doesn't happen then it's the other's loss in my opinion. I dont want to sell out. How can there be any Feminine Mystery? It's boobs and a vulva. What's the mystery. Once a month we bloat, get bitchy and bleed, then it's back to normal. Big Fricken Mystery. Men? They are self-proclaimed "Simple". Males are to the point. They only use that mysterious bullcrap to seduce women and we buy it like idiots. Women nowadays (unless you dont have the body for it) show off their stuff like it's not a big deal. What's the mystery in that??! If you seen one set of boobs, you've seen them all. Wax jobs? Yeah, that too. It's a lack of desire hormones. Toxic dumping grounds have helped alter our glands to the point of either growing a second pinky finger to not having any desire for a mate. The romance is given way to practical...well...let's F*** mentality. I do believe there are diamonds in the rough somewhere and some can't help but feel undesiring or desirable by health standards. I'm not man bashing either. There are some great guys who I have had the pleasure of knowing so I know that the adage "Men Suck" is a sorry excuse for not going out there and finding someone that loves you unconditionally. I'll date but after my stint with stupid guys and watching my own female species act like lemmings, I prefer to save the good parts for someone I deem worth that gift. "I'm not here. Leave a message!"
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Rank: Rook Joined: 8/11/2007 Posts: 187
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Here ya go ! I'm still seeing mostly negatives with-in the observations. This time of the year I work in retail.
All day I see males and females, in different combinations. 2 men, 2 women, a man and a lady together, no-one in a
particular hurry, all in a mood for informative conversation. I never hear these negatives here on the coast of Oregon. Sometimes when ladies come in they mention that their husbands are hunting or fishing and they have time to go shopping, but its not said with contempt or maybe I'm missing some undercurrent that I'm not aware of. Not being a fisherman or a hunter (game) I cannot make any statement as to the mentality of their actions. I like to climb thru the Lava flows of central Oregon and hunt caves, then explore the cave. My Mrs was a constant sidekick on these adventures and we cussed and discussed each adventure. Now I haven't ever come across another lady that cares a wit for climbing thru lava flows or exploring caves or lava tubes. But I never cared for dinning and dancing, so its better for me to stay single and not derail some ladies life and just have friends until I come across another lady
that has a like interest, because I'm never going to like dinning and dancing and can't expect a pleasant female
friend to take a liking to cave crawling. But Maybe.... forever, everytime activities came to a passionate climax
it was spontanious not planned or demanded, just a mutual cause that seemed right at the time. But there was never any sniveling or negative results from the activity. I don't remember anytime that"Thats all they think about" was
verbalized. So something is wrong with the picture or different folks from different life styles have different approaches to life.
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Rank: King Joined: 10/7/2009 Posts: 1,931 Location: Purgatory
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GRSJR wrote: I'm a bachelor, always have been, and here is the short and sweet answer to why;
Genesis 4:6-7 And the Lord said unto Cain, Why art thou roth? and why is thy countenance fallen? If thou doest well shalt thou not be accepted? and if thou doest not well, sin lieth at the door. Interesting. Could you explain this please? "I'm not here. Leave a message!"
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Rank: Rook Joined: 6/15/2006 Posts: 112 Location: USA
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Basically, to paraphrase, one reapeth what one soweth. If I didn't make as concerted an effort at marriage as I should have, then I can't expect to blame anyone or anything else as the reason for my bachelorhood. Nobody's perfect, including me, but that doesn't mean the blame lies outside of ourselves. To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing. - Elbert Hubbard
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Rank: Queen  Joined: 1/21/2005 Posts: 115
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Les français say that the ideal age for a man to have a younger woman is half his age + 7 years.
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Rank: King Joined: 8/5/2009 Posts: 2,761 Location: lost in state of complete confusion
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Rank: King  Joined: 10/6/2009 Posts: 4,546 Location: San Jose, Ca. U.S.A.
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 Youv'e got to love those French!!!  Robert K. "Moose" Puette
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Rank: King  Joined: 9/30/2009 Posts: 3,432
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My grandfather immigrated to this country from Austria in 1910 at the age of 17 to escape starvation and religious persecution. He arrived through Ellis Island with $30.00 to his name and a trunk full of belongings never to see his mama and papa again. He was sponsored by a family in Columbus Ohio where he got a job on the Pennsylvania Railroad. He learned English and there were two things he read everyday, his Bible and the Wall Street Journal (not sure it was called WSJ at the time) Anyway, he invested his earnings and as a result of those investments abled him to buy a home for cash and a farm for his family in the old country. He was well in in his 30's before he asked my grandmother all of 17 (just finished high school) to marry him. You see in Europe and this country, a man was expected to be financially secure before asking a woman's hand in marriage and that many times resulted in marrying later in life. So my grandfather waited until that time where he could provide his bride with a home and money saved. When a man got married in those days, it was with the intention of starting a family and they did. When you think about it what is the purpose of marriage? For companionship? That is only a small part of the equation but if that be the only reason, why bother? "On every question of construction carry ourselves back to the time when the Constitution was adopted, recollect the spirit manifested in the debates and instead of trying what meaning may be squeezed out of the text or invented against it, conform to the probable one in which it was passed." --Thomas Jefferson, letter to William Johnson, 1823
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