Jesus died for us so it's natural to want to give up something every year for Him.  I'm all for it.  I love Preparation times like lent and advent and the week before summer trips.  I love to test my will power.  Until i'm proven  yet again that I'm WEAK!  ugh

This next 40 days I'm going raw.  Completely raw.  Green chlorophil lovins until the day I can decapitate a chocolate stefanelli's bunny. 

So far I've been back at my Catholic mass and I have to say that it's redundant as usual.  I wish my priests would speak up and annunciate better.  I can't hear snot from their pious speak.  That and I can't relate to it like I could at the protestant services I went to.  But I can say this much...at a Catholic church, I dont have to be a married breeder to be loved by God.  Actually I dont have to be barren either..but at least I feel more welcome at a Catholic church.  I also dont have to be uber social either so no more sucking the God Chi from me when I walk into and out of church anymore...I can go in..have my God n' Nikki time and go home.  It's really a blessing.  Thank you. 

Best to stick with what you know....but it's good to try raw more again. 

Salute'!!!

I really dont know what to write here.  I think I'm having a storm today.  I had a talk with a friend last night.   I can't wait until St. Patrick's day.  I can't stand valentines day.  I'm thinking of seriously quitting going to my protestant church I go to and go back to Catholic church.  I'm tired of that women are no good if they are not married mommies bullshit.  I'm not.  Thing is, I dont think that being single is that bad and I get along fine with being unable to produce.  So why all of a sudden is it a good CHristian thing to do is to marry and breed.  WHere the hell does that leave me?  (pun intended). 

I say "storm" becuase that's what it's called.  my autoimmune condition when it flares up is called a storm.  Doesn't mean these feelings of mine are not real....it just means that I'm really dog butt tired and it takes all the effort of  I dont now what to keep going without feeling like dirt.  I WANT to get up and get stuff done but I also need to reach out and ask for a hug.  I like hugs they are like medicine.  A friend of mine in the poetry network says that a person needs daily hugs to be healthy.  So far then, it's a miracle that I'm still alive. 

You know.  ..when I go to mass, I can just be me.  single...annonymous....on my own...my God and Nikki time.  I dont have to connect with other young mommies and their stained jumper'd conundrums.  I can be me.  Just me.  Being "Single, Selfish and Unfulfilled" is now "Just Me.  Alright".

When I started my resolution to go to church regularly again like I used to...I started going to mass (where I teach at now).  Everything was going ok until my friend told me about this place that SHE doesnt' even go to anymore! 

I should just go back to mass.