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Nearly Relevant
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Sports News

     Hoping to update Mets baseball, the New York Mets have instituted automated, movable outfield fences.  The fences, much like automated roofs which can be opened or closed automatically, will be movable from distances of 250 ft to 900 ft. 
     "The technology has been around for awhile," stated Mets Spokesperson Karla Johnson, "but financial reasons have kept us from implementing it.  But the time has come for admitting the inexorability of the  technology."
     When the Mets are coming to bat the fences will be moved to 250' from home plate.  When the opposing team is coming to bat the fences will be moved to 900' from home plate.
Between at-bats the fences can be moved ready for play without any significant delaying of  the game.", Karla explained.
     Asked about concerns that the plan seemed to give the Mets an advantage, Karla stormed out of the press announcement explaining before leaving, "We can't do anything to satisfy you people can we!"
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