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Nearly Relevant
Nonsense, Fiction, and Miscellaneous Things

Dog-Paddling Straight Through Time
   
    
I enter the auditorium hesitantly.  I walk over to - what appears to me  to be - an official.  He's dressed in a maroon dress shirt, light gray dress pants  and a light gray tie.  A ID badge hangs at the bottom of the purple , V-shape ribbon draped around  his neck.
     "Hi." he says, as I approach.
     "Hi.  I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do.", I say.
     "You're 'au courant', right?  21st century?", he asks.
     "Yes." I say.
    
"You need to go to the other end of the auditorium.  You see the long line there?  That's where you need to be."  He segues.  "Congratulations ," he says, "congratulations guy ."
     A humongous smile distorts my face and  I blush with joy and content.  I smile, I shake his hand, and thank him.  I can hardly believe my luck- 'au courant', 21st century.  Of course, I'm grateful and relieved.
     I proceed to my destination through an ad-hoc corridor formed in the center of the auditorium as people from other eras- from the 6th century B.C up to the present - populate the auditorium's sides.   Many of them are chatting, unaware of my presence.  Others see me and smile or give a wave as I go along.  I'm happy to smile and wave back.
     As I approach the line for 'au courant' there is a preponderance of people who seem either self-absorbed or jocular.   The self-absorbed are quietly preoccupied. The jocular are - well - jolly.  It's a joy to see their  smiles, hear their laughter, note their glad-handing; 
There's plenty of glad-handing.  I notice standing in line, a swim instructor I  once had.
    
I break into a trot in order to reach the line a little sooner.
     Quite unexpectedly, a
flood smashes through the auditorium walls.   We are all knocked off our feet.  At first people are flailing,  decourm is embarrassingly impossible to achieve.  Shortly, we regain some kilter and float, swim, or dog paddle our way to presentable.
     Unfortunately, many people of the ancient eras weren't the best swimmers.  Apparently, they hadn't had certified swim instructors.  They suffered the most.
     I don't know how - through all the centuries - they managed to make it this far.


"Yes sir,  your question."

.  .  .

"Abracadabra ."
"Next  question  please."

.  .  .

"If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the Mooor-oooor-ning"
"Yes sir, your question."

.  .  .


"That's correct.  Two suspects are in custody and a manhunt is underway for the third.   We believe the third is a rhinoceros and as such the officers involved in the manhunt  have been armed with elephant guns."
"Next  question please.  Yes ma'am."


.  .  .

I pause to think then spell out the answer.  "S. A. T. . . U. R. . . D. E. Y."
"We only have time for one more question."

.  .  .

"Good question.  'If I knew what I was doing, I wouldn't be doing this.', is the correct answer."



Comments
Gravatar
Sunday, December 13, 2015 7:32 PM by
Sounds like a dream I've had:O)
Gravatar
Sunday, December 13, 2015 9:27 PM by GRSJR
Your emoji needs a nose job. (o:
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