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Nearly Relevant
Nonsense, Fiction, and Miscellaneous Things

Dear Sir
Mr. Savim NoLie
1413 Main St. Boulevard, Suite M
Conga Bonga, Malaryia

Esteemed Sir,

As you may well know, and I have no reason to believe you don't, I have recently come into possesion of the outrageous sum of 32 and one half million US Dollars. Monies which are rightfuly mine and being used to bankroll my charitable endeavors, such as. . .well, we shouldn't worry about them for now. Believe me, there is nothing unsavory nor nefarious about any of this windfall. Future generations will profit from my magnanimous charity.

The circumstances of this gravy are as follows. My brother Vasim, a former high-raking official of the Malaryian government, was caught transferring government funds into his own personal account.  An account which, unbelievably, I had no access too.  I had warned him that this was an outrage; that he should not keep all of the funds for himself.  He replied,  'An outrage?  Ha!  What right have you to this money?  You are the outrage!'.  Of course, I, understandably, punched him in the nose and offered to take half the money. Although I could smell the burning embers of revenge within him, he agreed to share the money with me, wholeheartedly.

We began transferring the sum of 45 million US dollars into my account.  Unfortunately, his laptop computer crashed and  I, er...we lost 7 and one half million US dollars.  We were horrified. Although, most certainly, we could afford a new computer, we have not succeeded in obtaining one, as you well may understand. Therefore, we require someone of good character, whom we can trust, with a weak character,. . . I mean,. . . a working computer, to transfer the remaining 7 and one half million US dollars into our account.

Our research has identified you, sir, as one we can sucker. . .er. . .trust. Your reputation precedes you. Our research shows your character to be trusting and greedy,. . .er. . .speedy.  

Please be advised, the nature of this transaction, is entirely legitimate. Not a stinking hair should stand straight up on my head if it weren't.  So, in order to fulfil this obligation, please send your name, bank acct. no., and underwear size, for verification purposes, to me at the above address. Once the transaction is complete we will transfer 3 and one half million U. S. dollars into, what remains of your account, as payment for services rendered.

May you have a good day and we will be anxiously awaiting your incompetence. . .er. . .help.


                                                                                                          Vasim and Savim NoLie

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