After my first date with my husband I told my mother that whoever married him would have to be like June Cleaver, wearing heels and pearls everyday. He was polite, a perfect gentleman and boring. After our second date my cheeks hurt from laughing so much. He was still polite and a perfect gentleman but far from boring. His quit wit and wry sense of humor are one of the reasons I fell in love with him.
Recently my oldest drew caricatures of each family member. The ones of my husband and other 2 sons were flattering – the one of me was not. He drew my husband in a suit and tie speaking in church. He drew one brother with a big smile, running cross country. He drew the other brother with bulging muscles. He drew me wrinkly and frizzy haired talking on the phone. I said, “You made me look haggy.” He smiled and said, “I know – how do you like the hair?” I did not tell him but the pictures really bothered me. I mentioned them to a friend. She told me she had done the same thing to her mother as a teenager. She told me, “Believe it or not, he is showing you love.” That required more explanation. She continued that his sharing humor with me was his way of showing me love. It took a minute and then I understood and a lot of things made sense to me.
When I have had a bad day this son will push seemingly every one of my buttons. He pesters and bugs and annoys until, the bulk of the time, it becomes so ridiculous that I end up laughing. I used to wonder why he picked my worst moments to behave his worst – now I understand. His way of making it better is to make me laugh.
When I was expecting our third I was severely morning sick. One evening our family was watching “George of the Jungle”. Initially I thought it was the most inane movie I had ever seen. Gradually, I began to find it amusing until I was laughing really hard. At some point I noticed that my son was watching me rather than the movie. I realized he had probably not seen me laugh for months.
What brought this to the forefront of my mind is a slideshow presentation a local doctor gave of his medical trip to Haiti. Amid the slides of devastation were slides of mothers playing and laughing with their babies and a smiling grandfather holding his grandson.
I don’t know the original source but I have heard that holding onto negative feelings is like holding onto hot coal – it hurts the person holding it. The smiling people in those slides are good examples, to me, of letting go of the coal.