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Reflections of a Mom on Paranoid Schizophrenia

Personality Destroyed

     I ended my last post (The Beginning) with a description of schizophrenia as an “awful life sucking brain disease”—however, it would have been more accurate to describe it as an awful personality sucking brain disease.  Although it does destroy a person’s life if left untreated, the more heinous thing schizophrenia does is destroy who and what a person is—when medication is refused. 

     This doesn’t happen all at once- but slowly and gradually, at different rates for different traits.  It took longer for some things to disappear in my son, while others were destroyed much earlier in the disease.  For N (my son) one of the first things to go was his sense of humor (a close second was any display of affection); while his demonstration of common courtesy (such as saying “thank you” and “please”) along with his sense of responsibility, and willingness and desire to help others was one of the last things to disappear.

    Who and what N once was is now gone.  His personality no longer exists (at least outwardly, but I’m hopeful that it’s still a part of his brain and not chemically destroyed).   His individual spark has been doused. He now bears no resemblance to who he was before this awful disease started. 

     Schizophrenia has eliminated any sign of the original personality and temperament that made him N.

     And the worse thing: N doesn’t even realize that this drastic change has occurred.